Character Profile

You know him, you love him, you have a hard time understanding him.
Mooner has been "hanging out" in Janet's books for years, but how much do you really know about him?
Here is a timeline that reveals some of the moments in Mooner's life that helped to make him, well... Mooner.

Birth	Walter arrives two days late, worrying his mother and setting a precedent for tardiness that would stand for the rest of his life.
Age 2	Young Walter shows an uncanny ability to focus on the television. His first word is "Bullwinkle."
Age 5	He is first observed using the word "dude" as an exclamation.
Age 9	Walter successfully uses the "Jedi mind trick" on his vice principal in order to avoid detention. The ability proves disappointingly unreliable when he is caught stealing candy at 7-Eleven the next day.
Age 11	Walter is first called "Moon Man" and "Mooner" by those who know him. It is unclear how this began, but friends speculate that it was due to his "spacey" demeanor.
Age 12	Mooner experiences "temporary loss of identity" after a late night Dungeons and Dragons session. He misses 4 days of school, during which time his mother attempts to convince him that he is not "Sylvario," a level 9 elven mage.
Age 13	He refuses to play on his junior high baseball team despite pressure from both of his parents. He calls himself a conscientious objector, stating, "That little ball never did anything to me, dude."
Age 15	He works all summer as a bag boy at a local grocery store. Using his earnings, he orders a "De-Lux Grow Your Own" kit from the back of High Times magazine. After three months of labor, he finds himself unable to grow his own. It is then that Mooner vows never to work again, declaring that work "sucks majorly."
Age 16	He attends his first Star Trek convention and is overawed by a brief appearance made by Leonard Nimoy. Mooner wears his Vulcan ears every day for the next three weeks.
Age 17	Having just gotten his driver's license, Mooner "misplaces" his father's car. His driving privileges are revoked by his parents, even after the car is found behind Cluck in a Bucket later that week.
Age 18	He is voted "Most Likely to be Beamed Up" in his high school year book.
Age 19	Mooner and two friends attend four consecutive showings of the latest Star Wars movie. They are removed by paramedics when, at the end of the night, an attendant is unable to get them to move, respond, or even blink their eyes. The doctor calls Mooner's condition "severe over stimulation, compounded by massive consumption of Coke and Milk Duds," and releases him from the hospital two days later.
Age 20	Mooner's parents finally convince him to go away to college. He is retrieved by his father halfway through his freshman year when it is discovered that he has missed 2 months of classes. Mooner blames his poor attendance on the "negative vibes" of his instructors.
Age 22	In a transcendental experience, Mooner discovers the meaning of life. Unfortunately, a couple of hours later, all he can remember is that it has something to do with peanut butter.
Age 23	Interpreting a fortune cookie, Mooner is able to accurately predict the "dot com" boom, but having very little capital to invest, he only manages to net about $35.
Age 24	Mooner is arrested on a possession charge and is encouraged to become an informant for the Trenton PD. The idea is scrapped when Mooner is unable to supply any names other than "that dude," "those other dudes," etc.
Age 25	Mooner and his friend Dougie make a cross-country trek to the infamous Area 51 in New Mexico. Dougie reports that Mooner went missing for 3 days in the desert. Mooner would later say of his experience, "Dude, like... wow man."
Age 26	After a reading from a local astrologer, Mooner stops bathing for 2 weeks, until some of his friends tie him up and hose him off in the yard. Mooner shrieks and babbles the entire time about the alignment of Cancer with Mars. Later that day, his entire "Magic the Gathering" card collection is destroyed in a freak plumbing catastrophe.
Age 28	After years of begging and unsubtle hints, Mooner moves out of his parents' house.
Age 29	Feeling that he is "getting older," Mooner decides to pursue a career in art. He is bitterly disappointed when his mail-in art aptitude test reveals a "below average" talent level.
Age 30	Mooner sets an unofficial world record, using the word "Dude" 12 times in a single sentence.
Age 31	Mooner is briefly incarcerated after staging a one-man anti-war protest at city hall. He describes the arrest as "The Man keeping the little guy down." The arrest report states that the charge is "public nudity."